(For reference, this post was originally typed end of May, beginning of June – just never published)
May’s passing marks my one-month milestone on my journey. Everyone looks at January as being the month of change, the beginning of a new year and a new you. For me, May was my month of change.
When I look back at where I was even just a month ago, I’m embarrassed. It wasn’t an embarrassment born out of what other people might have thought of me. I was embarrassed by myself because of myself. How did I end up at 270 pounds? Five years ago, I managed to go from 260 to 200. Over the past four years, I ended up at 270. Not only did I gain back all my weight but managed to add ten extra pounds on top of that.
I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t aware of my condition. It’s hard to ignore the fact that half of your wardrobe doesn’t fit you any longer. But somehow ignoring the problem just seemed like the easiest course of action. Unfortunately, ignoring a problem doesn’t help it go away.
So, here I am a month in and twenty pounds down, training to run a 5k and I’m gradually reclaiming my wardrobe. It’s an amazing feeling. Now, when I look in the mirror I can see the person I can, and want, to be. Not someone that I’m ashamed of.
Are there moments when I have a craving for a cookie or seconds or a sweet tea. Absolutely. It isn’t easy but it isn’t hard either. I’m not looking for easy. Easy was going to ultimately kill me. When compared to the burden that I carried every single day, dealing with some sore legs and muscles and tracking what I consume every day isn’t quite so difficult.
Prior to May, I burped all the time. I woke up tired. I went to bed with feet that were always sore. Headaches were a way of life. Simple stairs were enough to leave me winded. There was no energy or motivation to do anything except getting through the day. Eating was a highlight of my day.
One thing that I’ve realized is that my whole perspective of food has been a problem. Eating should not necessarily be the highlight of your day. Enjoying food or looking forward to a meal isn’t a crime but for me, that was seemingly my motivation to get through the day. What was I going to eat next was always on my mind. This wasn’t a healthy state of mind and something I’ve been working on changing.
Years of bad habits won’t go away overnight but the results so far are a positive motivation. Here’s to a good month of June!