On The Hunt

As some of you may know, I recently
had the opportunity to take on a promotion at my current place of
employment.  A position as a department
manager.  It was not originally the
position that I desired, or planned, but I figured management was management
and this particular posting could better help me in my short term plans.  The ultimate goal was for this new position
to be my needed stepping stone into store management training.  While this is still the case, the past few
months have caused quite a stir internally for me.

Suffice it to say,
the new position had a bit of a rough start. 
I found myself entering the homestretch of my final college semester, working
a new
position with minimal training and then taken out of my environment that I knew,
cut off from my support and thrown into a completely foreign world.  To call it a rough start would be a slight
understatement.  Several months later I
am back in my home store with the support that I needed from day one but things
just are not the same any longer.

I look
back and ask myself, “What happened?” 
When I originally decided to apply for this position and accepted the
offer I was all-in, the sky was the limit. 
Today, I am not one hundred percent sure about things.  A couple weeks ago I came to a
realization.  The struggles that I have
been having caused me to question my ability and shook my confidence.  I went into this assignment knowing that it
was not going to be a walk through the park but still fully confident in my
abilities and believing that I would excel at what I am doing.  So far, that has not been the case as
such. 

It is
an odd feeling when you realize that your confidence has been shaken in such a
way.  I have always believed when I set
out to do something that I will be able to accomplish that.  As a point of clarification, I do not believe
that I can do anything but this way of thinking is just part of who I am.  It may not be the work of an expert or
craftsman but I will be able to complete whatever task that is ahead of me and
have some satisfaction in a job well done. 
In the beginning of this new position I felt exactly the same.  I believed that I had the experience
supplemented with an education that would allow me to adequately fulfill the
needs required for this new challenge.

To this
day I believe this is still the case.  I
can get the job done.  The problem is
that along with my confidence being shaken the past few months have made me
really look at what direction I am headed and whether or not this is the road
that I want to be taking.  I have spent
nearly nine years in my current industry, outside a semester internship spent
at Walt Disney World.  Is this the
direction that I really want to take myself? 
If so, where will I end up?  If
not, where will I go?  I am under no
illusion that these questions are unique to myself nor my position but these are
still questions that I have.

So I
find myself regrouping, trying to regain the confidence that I lost.  It is difficult to wholeheartedly excel at a
task that you yourself are not wholeheartedly invested in but it is the task at
hand and I have committed to do the best I can. 
You never know where things may lead or what opportunities will present
themselves in the future.  Because of
this I have resolved myself to make the best of where I am and learn what I can
to better my abilities and prepare myself for what is to come, whatever that
may be.

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